He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
