I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
