We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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