I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You pole danced in your parka.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
