Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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