Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
there was a trapeze. enough said
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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