if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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