Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
