I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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