God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
you made out with another girl for some wings
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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