Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
