i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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