I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
