is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
