He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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