Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
