I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
