hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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