Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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