God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My ass is underappreciated
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
