you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
