He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize