i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
