Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
