You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
