She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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