I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
