I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You may now shotgun with the bride
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
