i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
