Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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