you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I need a burrito and a hug.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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