just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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