Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize