My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I need to align my fucking chakras
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
