The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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