so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
