glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
