Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
