i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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