Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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