I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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