This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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