Soap is not a condiment
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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