I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
