He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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