Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
