Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
