fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
