apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
