think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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