I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
