i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
