My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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