How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Dick very happy bro
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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