just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
