I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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