Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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