As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
